{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-story-js","path":"/story/battle-with-self-c/","result":{"pageContext":{"data":{"id":"-49d668a3-ea64-57ba-8bb6-6533cf786f8d","authorFirstName":"Charity","storyTitle":"Battle With Self","photo":{"asset":{"url":"https://cdn.sanity.io/images/nr9digz2/production/12ec258e8e622212b5dadba08f714acc9097f21c-1500x1000.jpg"}},"audio":{"asset":{"url":"https://cdn.sanity.io/files/nr9digz2/production/848ccee09db014569165a3b1dcce016758c76ff7.m4a"}},"secondLanguageAudio":null,"school":{"name":"High Point Regional High School","city":"Sussex","location":"New Jersey"},"tags":[],"_rawText":[{"_key":"6e7ad1e42c60","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"663bbc2a38670","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Eighth grade Depression, ninth grade Change, tenth grade Hope, eleventh grade Strength. What do those words mean to me? DEPRESSION- It all began in the eighth grade.  My friends and family started questioning and bombarding me with “Are you ok?” Some of them suggested that I needed therapy. I kept my thoughts to myself  and was too afraid to share them. I hid my feelings and emotions because I thought I wasn’t enough. I was too afraid to open up because my loved ones didn’t understand why I was feeling hurt.  No matter how hard I tried to explain my feelings to my parents, they didn’t seem to hear me. From the beginning of eighth grade, I was in a bad place, and as I entered high school, I started to lose myself again. I could feel myself repeating the cycle of my depressive episodes. However, after thinking and reflecting, I made a decision. I was not going to let people who were supposed to love me make me feel small when I’m not. I started avoiding people who expressed negative and unsupportive comments because I refused to adapt to the needs of those who didn’t seem to appreciate me."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"c477efcd67d7","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"325fb5b17bec0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"HOPE- 10th grade seemed to arrive too quickly.  It was a new school year and brought many new experiences. As I began this new phase of my life, I remained committed to being the  person I had chosen and loved to be. I wanted to be genuine and kind and be able to speak my mind. I found friendships and a relationship, but most importantly, I set boundaries for people who didn't support or care for me the way that they should. I drifted away from friendships that had run their course.   As an analytical and sensitive person, I realized that I had to protect myself from people who added to my stress and anxiety.  When I made the conscious decision to stand up for myself, I realized how relieved and happy I started to feel. But for some people in my life, it wasn’t enough. I had high grades and was more social. I stood up for myself, but instead of being praised for my accomplishments, I was called dramatic. I did everything I was supposed to, but I never felt like a good enough friend or daughter."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"f2eb3b69d889","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"7ae31a7298a30","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"STRENGTH- Now as a 16-year-old 11th grader, I know what I want my future to look like. Still, some of my friends and family claim that I am rushing into the life that I seek to create for myself.  My mental health has made me endure circumstances that  a young 16-year-old girl should never have to experience. I have had severe anxiety from not feeling like I am enough for people in my life. But as time goes on, I grow more and more each day, and I care less about other people’s opinions and focus on myself and my wants."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"1a7fb513602c","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"3e0d1e39dbbc0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"CHANGE- In ninth grade, my first year of high school, I found in myself the honest, outgoing, strong person that I was missing-- a person who was not afraid anymore to stand up for what she wants and needs.  I have become a person who is a listener to friends who need her and a person who is good at making choices to benefit herself. I no longer have to be afraid of showing my true self because I have people in my life who support who I am now and don’t want me to change. It takes strength to overcome struggles and confront bullies, but it takes even more strength to try and protect and support your mental health. I was successful in bettering myself and my mind, and I want to help others to experience the same successful transformation."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]}}},"staticQueryHashes":["3309388390","890781507"]}