{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-story-js","path":"/story/growing-up-black-j/","result":{"pageContext":{"data":{"id":"-9ab3ada9-0d17-5736-8e3a-a6806d3b6ec8","authorFirstName":"Joslyn","storyTitle":"Growing UP Black","photo":{"asset":{"url":"https://cdn.sanity.io/images/nr9digz2/production/16c05e9acf1abe003045478107c89d249eea2e09-1500x1000.jpg"}},"audio":{"asset":{"url":"https://cdn.sanity.io/files/nr9digz2/production/72b9c55c935c8688a1c320e1a02c0b8ab212df4a.mp3"}},"secondLanguageAudio":{"language":"English","audio":null},"school":{"name":"Appomattox Regional Governor's School for the Arts and Technology","city":"Petersburg","location":"Virginia"},"tags":["Discrimination"],"_rawText":[{"_key":"13ca5941d732","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"8e44def9de1f0","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"My mom found it important for me to know that I am Black. It sounds like something unnecessary; one small glance down at my hands would reveal my race, but she wanted me to know and appreciate it. She wanted to protect me from the hatred of the world and keep it from swallowing me whole."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"2f080f67d2b9","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"83d5dd0e4b440","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"Black Barbies dominated my dollhouses. She took me to theaters of Black performers, banned any perm-like chemical from touching the nappy forestry that was my hair, and always encouraged me to watch TV shows like That’s So Raven. I detested it. I didn’t want a need for diversity. Being Black embarrassed me. Deep down, she knew it; I saw it in her eyes and on her face when I begged to buy one of the “prettier” dolls during one of our trips to the toy store."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"1fbb6f42a513","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"bf67a4b7240c0","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"On my 7th birthday, my embarrassment turned to hatred. I had begged my mother for a relaxer to set my afro straight, which she reluctantly agreed to. I wanted nothing more than to show my pretty new hair off to the world. I decided to spend the day out at a roller skating rink, with the fantasy of my locks flowing through the air as I glided across the floor. My sister invited one of her friends, which she immediately abandoned me for. I can’t remember why I decided on skating for my birthday, because I couldn’t skate at all. I struggle-shuffled around the oval for a couple of minutes until I decided that it was boring. I stopped in my spot, watching my sister and her friend wrap around the rink twice before asking her to help me off the vinyl flooring."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"ba213a144bff","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"3ecd428c2f990","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"They sped up just to pass me. I slowly inched myself off the floor, and by the time my roller skates grazed the geometrical carpet, the urge to use the bathroom struck. I decided against taking the time to untie my laces. I scrambled to the bathrooms, knocking into tables and almost falling over."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"86a6c01ca44f","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"bb7873179f5d0","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"I don’t remember the next few minutes that clearly, but in my journey to relieve myself, I tripped, and one of my skates bumped a drink that lay on the ground, spilling the Pepsi all over the floor."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"f99f7092f016","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"f85fcbcbd5860","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"The owner of the cup shrieked, reaching to get her things away from the sticky pile on the carpet. I tried to apologize and even dropped to my knees to help move some of her belongings. She snatched them away from me and called me two words that I’ll never forget."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"7ec26ec02082","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"90097334be770","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"It came quickly, like a bullet, dumb, then another word that I heard in movies or songs. It shocked me to hear it out loud, the first time I had been called the n-word. She walked toward the bathrooms with a napkin, scrubbing her stuff like nothing happened at all."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"53f224acfd69","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"ab93515e87ca0","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"That was the thing I hated most about all that “black pride” stuff back then. How was I supposed to feel happy about having a skin color that would get me called something like that? I didn’t feel happy to be Black; I felt stupid and stood there for what felt like forever until I started crying in place."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"67e8793afe3a","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"6ed79dbc71c00","_type":"span","marks":["strong"],"text":"I didn’t tell my parents. I wish I did, though. Every day I regret not telling my mom so she could hold me tight after, comforting me, telling me people were just ignorant. She was right to shield me from hate; I wish I could’ve seen it then. To be Black is to be dropped blind into a world drenched in hate and filled to the brim with people who consider you less than human. To grow up Black is to realize that and find a way to push past the hate."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"6a73983ea57b","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"0d8c7b7a06de0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"\n"}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]}}},"staticQueryHashes":["3309388390","890781507"]}