{"componentChunkName":"component---src-templates-story-js","path":"/story/more-than-a-mark-h/","result":{"pageContext":{"data":{"id":"-0052ee0e-e09f-57af-b637-a40119e28a70","authorFirstName":"Hamra ","storyTitle":"More than a Mark ","photo":{"asset":{"url":"https://cdn.sanity.io/images/nr9digz2/production/d1970cde6e78b89c1c7af9053fe84c61d2b17a33-8000x5000.jpg"}},"audio":{"asset":{"url":"https://cdn.sanity.io/files/nr9digz2/production/8793810348a26f9fb653ce4cbf1d67ed543b4f42.mp3"}},"secondLanguageAudio":null,"school":{"name":"Southwest Career and Technical Academy ","city":"Las Vegas","location":"Nevada"},"tags":[],"_rawText":[{"_key":"5d804201d2a5","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"8df2457b7ce40","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"The model minority myth is a standard, a box, a prison. The second I started my academic career, any form of school was deemed the competition ground, and I was thrown into a never-ending race to the top. My only reason for attending was to surpass my peers in some imaginary contest. Miserably pushing myself to reach a societal standard that seems ever-changing. No matter what I do, there’s always a higher tier to achieve. After accepting that my happiness should be prioritized and not the satisfaction of onlookers as I fulfill their prejudices, I have mentally improved myself in multiple facets."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"0d1b2dd9bc11","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"6cc0fb483f090","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Reflecting on my previous academic years, I realize that my drive for success was not based on my desire for success but on other people’s and society’s expectations of success for me. My reason for wanting excellence was rooted in racist rhetoric, which resulted in mass amounts of self-hate that accumulated over the years of my schooling, starting as early as elementary school. My ordinary and average performance made me feel less than my Asian counterparts, especially when I saw them succeed as I was overshadowed, remaining stagnant. The root of all these stressors in my life is because of the model minority myth. This is the societal idea that select minorities, especially Asian Americans, are always successful and well-adjusted, without a need for assistance in any aspect. This projection resulted in me comparing myself to my peers, making me forcibly reduce myself to nothing more than a mark or point in the gradebook."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"fdea165b35d6","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"5007f823ad8a0","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"At times, it seems as if everyone holds this belief. This sounds pessimistic but is expected to know how to solve linear algebraic equations automatically, or the expression of confusion that washes across a peer’s face when I inform them I’m not in the best financial situation, has flattened my drive and spirit in many ways. I have to uphold a societal projection no matter what because if I’m not always performing to the best of my abilities, then, in their eyes, I’m not as exemplary as my counterparts. Even when I did feel proud of myself, the feeling was quickly squashed as I heard my same-raced peers sharing their results, scores, etc., that were better than mine. Realizations like these leave me conflicted since, as a student, they are both motivating and discouraging. It pushes me to give my all and live up to the stereotype, to show all the holders of this belief that I am the token they are looking for. On the other hand, it makes me want to give up and submit to failure when I’m not immediately outstanding in a specific subject or task. Either way, the crushing misery persists. No matter how much I try, I am disappointed in not living up to these expectations."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"},{"_key":"16420e9c3e77","_type":"block","children":[{"_key":"9b1d8720e6710","_type":"span","marks":[],"text":"Forcing myself to abandon this mindset has been a test but also exhilarating. Looking back at the question that always lingers in my mind, why should it matter if I live up to stereotypical and prejudiced expectations of me? Even though excellence is constantly expected, my people and culture are still constantly ridiculed and mocked. Satisfying people's projections doesn’t end the standards and only leads to an unhappy life. When trying to conform, I am not happy with myself or my academics; my terms are what make me the happiest. Everyone is different, and we all have different capabilities, and that’s perfectly fine. My success should not be upheld by racists' reasoning but rather by my effort and labor. Freeing myself from these stereotypes has improved my academic performance and mental clarity, as it helps me define myself beyond the expectations being held for me. My satisfaction with not only my academics but also myself and my character is what should make me a “model,” not the simple fact that I am a select minority."}],"markDefs":[],"style":"normal"}]}}},"staticQueryHashes":["3309388390","890781507"]}