My stuffed bear is named Oscar. He was a gift from my biological father who passed away when I was 6 years old. Oscar is more than a stuffed animal to me. He is a memory of my father that I can touch, feel, smell and cuddle. Oscar was a gift from a father to his first daughter. My dad had always wanted a daughter and he got one. My mom and my dad’s relationship was very romantic, dedicated, and delightful.

I remember the day my mom told me about my dad's death. That was the day I turned off my personality, the day I knew I was never going to love someone like my dad again. It was then that I started to distract myself so I didn’t need to carry the weight of my dad’s death. My birthday is on Father’s Day, June 19. I do not celebrate my birthday anymore because I still feel like it's just not the same, and I know it will never be the same. The thing is, he was never really around because he was undocumented, and I was here in the United States. My dad had to go through a lot to be able to come and visit me.

Due to the situation with my dad, I have moved to three different schools, five different houses and I’m only in eighth grade. My mom had trouble affording the rent because she was a single mom with 4 girls: Esmeralda, the youngest; myself; Mirna; and Lizbeth, the oldest. It was a struggle for all of us, not having a father available to help my mom with rent. It has been extremely difficult for us because as soon as we got in a comfortable situation, we had to move again.

As a result of my dad´s death, my mental health and getting into arguments with other people, I moved schools often. My first school was Herrera Silvestre in Central City. It was a rough area but it was a great school, academically. They only accepted people with straight A´s. My issue was I had so many tardies because we lived a little further from the school. We did not have a car so Mirna would take us on the bus.

Now we have a car and our financial situation is stable, saving money so we can always have new beginnings. Unfortunately, there were still issues at school. Lockdowns due to threats, and kids bringing up my personal issue about not having a father around made life difficult for me.

My second school was Sabis International. I actually liked this school because they were more understanding with a lot of really nice friends and people. The problem at this school was that it was in a bad area as well. Since there was a lot of chaos in the neighborhood my mom decided to move us to give us a fresh start. It was during this time that my mental health started getting worse due to my dad’s death. Even though I had good grades, my attitude and mental health were suffering. In addition, I had a major bully at Sabis.

The third school is my current school. Since the move here, things have been better. My grades improved, I’m in an honors class and focusing on my mental health. I am proud of myself for who I turned out to be. Even though I do not have a father in my life to show me the love I need to experience, my mom showed me how to have confidence and self-control. I learned that sometimes you have to learn how to defend yourself and protect your mental health. I may not have a positive male role model to promote/reinforce good behaviors, but I do have people to learn from, who want the best for me.

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