I've struggled with who I am for many years. Being in a small school doesn't help that problem. I've spent practically my whole life at this small school, where we all grow up together, and we go through everything together. I always wanted to just fit in with my friends. The friends I've had for the last ten years, started to change when high school started. I seemed to stay the same.

I went most of my high school years, just getting by, fitting in enough to be picked to hang out once in a while. While my family issues seemed to get worse, I started to fit in more and more with my friends. I started hanging out with them all the time, and was barely ever home. I started lying, sneaking around, doing things I never had an interest in doing before. I would go out with friends and not tell my mom where I was going, and lie to her about where I was. When I was out one night, I expressed concern about what we were doing. I was shut down with a quick, “Stop worrying so much; just have fun,” by a close friend.

When it got to the point where I felt like I was losing my mind, I had a teacher in my life ask me a question that really hit hard. That teacher who has really cared for me asked, “Are you okay?” This question alone hit me so hard that a switch flipped in my head. I needed to rethink my actions, and the way I'd been feeling. I realized that the people I was hanging around, and wanted to be like, were changing who I was as a person. I’d started to become the person I promised myself I would never become, the person I promised my younger self I would never become.

After a conversation with that teacher who asked if I was okay, I did a whole self reflection. I started to rethink all the actions I’d been doing. I started to change my friends, and started taking care of myself again. I got out of toxic relationships that were dragging me down from what I could be. I changed my ways of thinking, and acting to those around me. I tried to not be so judgemental, and to be more considerate. I changed my ways of living because I’d realized what was happening. It wasn't until that teacher asked me if I was okay, that I realized I needed change, not necessarily to change for others, but to change for myself, change because I wasn't going to get to my goals if I continued on with how I was living. The goals I'd told everyone about forever were not going to happen unless I made change for myself.

It has been only a few months since I've started to become who I want to be. I've struggled with anxiety for many years, and now I barely see it come up and try to fight anymore. I feel more open to do things, and have fun with people. I've started doing the things I enjoy again, and it's even more fun than I remember. Now looking back on it all, I realize that who I was surrounding myself with, was really affecting who I was becoming as a person. It changed who I was without me even realizing it. That person I became wasn't who I was, but was who my friends wanted me to be, and who they wanted to surround themselves with. While they are still the same people, I've found peace in being me, not who people want me to be.

What I mostly take away from this now is that people can change who you become. Whether it be for better or worse, the people you surround yourself with are people you become. And people with genuine hearts and intentions, start to make you a better person.

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