I had always been a shy kid, hiding behind my parents, not talking much around new people, the usual shy child aspects, but there is a fine line between being shy and having anxiety. Being shy doesn't cause you to overthink everything you do. Being shy doesn't cause you to spiral, to fear life. I first showed early signs of anxiety when I was 10; it was peak COVID, school was out, and I was experiencing some medical issues (causing my emetophobia). I believe this was more just stress and emetophobia, rather than full-blown anxiety.

Come 6th grade, I had moved, therefore switching schools. It was easy to make friends, and I had some within the first few days. Things were going great until they weren'twerent, come spring, things took a turn. I made friends with this one girl, and it was probably the worst decision of my life. After a few weeks, she– to put in simpler terms– started bullying me, she started calling me names, and body shaming, remind you, we’re 11 years old. It started as jokes, but then those “jokes” got repetitive and progressed to some of our other friends joining in, eventually developing my biggest insecurity. All of this caused arguments and trash-talking within the group. I'm not going to solely play the victim and say I didn't say hurtful words and things that I regret, but I'm also not going to say I wasn't. To this day, I believe that I said those out of a place of hurt and jealousy. This ended up temporarily breaking up the group due to the toxicity which ultimately became the root of my anxiety.

The majority of 7th and 8th are mixed up in my mind, and it's hard to decipher what happened when, but a lot of these situations happened in both grades. Throughout these years, there were still ups and downs. This is where my anxiety really started to show, and my mind was constantly filled with thoughts of what others thought about me: “Are they staring at me?” “Is what I'm wearing stupid?” “Am I being too loud?” etc… This caused stage fright, and I was on the verge of panic attacks every time I had to speak in front of people, which was hard to fight through, and I still struggle with it.

It was also no help that I thought those same friends were talking behind my back. I did have reason to believe they were, as they were whispering with me in the room, leaving me out of conversations, and telling me dont worry about it. To be honest, it might’ve been my anxiety talking, causing me to overthink everything, but then again, it might not.

Throughout 8th grade, they weren’t the only friends I had, which did make it better and made me feel less alone. When talking about recovery and healing during this period, one specific friend comes to mind. We had shared a couple classes in 7th, but somehow didn't become friends till 8th when we shared those same classes. Just talking to her and hanging out, was helping me get out of my comfort zone and making most of those anxiety-ridden thoughts go away. Although I still struggle with anxiety, I struggle in a different way. In the last two years, I have become less shy and am a more outgoing person.

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