Journal entries.

Words I contemplate.

January 15: “Illusion.” The creation of them all started with the infinite amounts of possibilities of what this journal can lead me to. This caused me to start a new way of exploring my true feelings, based on me. I was used to morphing myself to be like others to fit in and this had me losing my grip on myself. I haven’t shown my true potential, the true me, and this is my true beginning. By the end of this mission, 2024 will start with a completely new mindset, version, sculpture, and human. These past years I've been broken into different colored pieces. The year 2023 will take me to my road, my lane, and my success.

January 20: “Connection.” This day showed a correlation between me and all my different types of friends and how I can be friends and talk to anyone that I want. This is my problem. Look at all the different types of people and me. I can be shown as anyone but my true self is not shown.

Who am I?

January 25: “Certain.” I truly believed that I was lost, stuck in the middle, and overall, just a mystery. I had split personalities depending on who I was around. This was the end of that. I would focus more on being me. I know I have the ability to change, everyone does. This would take time but I'm certain I could be found.

January 30: “Repeat.” Basically, just repeat my days and let them flow for now. Just mirror people while enjoying their comfort even if they're not looking at the true me. They're looking at the best version of me for them. While still searching for myself in my spare time, my growth has increased. It feels like I found a new, updated version of myself.

February 5: “Left then right.” It took a while to imagine. Left showed the issue I encountered that day while the right was my solution. That day was a mix of going back and forth like I was getting pushed down the wrong - and then the right path, over and over again. On February 5th, it wasn't a focus on mirroring but more on me trying to get through the day. It felt like I was getting spun around, with positive and negative effects.

February 10: “Half Shot.” A bad week to get sick. Really got my mind rolling on what's going to happen. I ended up changing the title 3 different times before I settled on a word. It reflected my bad days when I just wanted to lay down and rest; give up on myself. I got through it and lived it to my fullest even if it didn't feel right.

February 15: “Bear Hug.” Today was my Bring My Kid to Work Day. My white stuffed bear, my son, Ratty. Bringing him to school was pretty embarrassing, to be honest, but it got me out of my comfort zone. Also, I could see it was comforting my friends. They're holding him like he’s a little child, and he’s protecting them like a shield. He's loved by me and others. I noticed that sometimes we all have similarities and differences. Thank you.

I intended to show that I'm still trying to figure out who I am and to be honest, I actually like mirroring because it helps me get to know people. Those friends can introduce me to even more people, new friends. Mirroring allows me to find new interests by learning from other people's music tastes or clothing styles. Going back through these words, helps me realize that I should be more myself but not forget who I meet along the way. My story is mine to be found and appreciated. My road is mine to lead and improve. Soon to be free and expressed.

© Jose. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.