For a long time, I really thought dreads were the move. In my head, I pictured this future version of me who was way more confident, everyone would like me, and I was gonna be more popular, so I committed. For about three and a half years, I stuck with it and told myself this was the best I could look. I realized I wasn’t just changing my hair, I was trying to change who I thought I was, and I would finally feel good about myself. It almost felt like my whole personality was on hold until my hair caught up to the picture I had in my head.

At first, it actually felt nice. People recognized my hair, and I liked that. It made me stand out a little, and it felt different from what most people around me had. I got used to the routines, the time it all took. My dreads became a big part of how I saw myself. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t just see my face, I saw all the effort and patience it took to grow them. Like every month, my hair locked up more, and I was becoming more of the person I wanted to be. I remember walking into rooms and wondering if people noticed first, and a part of me liked it when they did. My hair was like something I could hide behind when I didn’t feel confident about anything else.But slowly, that started to change. It wasn’t like I woke up one day and decided to cut my hair. It was kinda a small thought in the back of my head that it started becoming a hassle, and it started getting harder and harder to get retwisted.

It was a hard decision because I never used to take pictures of myself with short hair, and I hadn’t had short hair for 4 years before that. It was pre-puberty, and I was fat before, so I didn’t know if I would look good. I felt like cutting my dreads meant letting go of this image I had worked so hard to build. I worried people would see me differently or think I had made a mistake. Every time I thought about cutting them, I would talk myself out of it.

The day that I finally did it, it felt like a big deal. Watching the dreads come off was kind of crazy, but I like it. I thought it looked a lot better. I didn’t feel regret, I felt relief. Sitting in the chair, I realized how heavy they had actually become, not just physically but mentally too. With every lock that fell, it felt like I was dropping a version of myself I didn’t need anymore. When it was done, and I saw my short hair in the mirror, it almost felt like meeting a new person and recognizing that it was still me. For the first time in a long time, I wasn’t focusing on who I wanted to become someday; I was just looking at who I was right then.

What made it better was how people reacted. My friends and others kept saying the short hair looked good and suited me better. Hearing that helped, but what surprised me was that even if they hadn’t liked it, I think I still would have been okay with it. Their comments made me realize that my confidence didn’t have to come from my hair or from trying to fit some idea I made up a long time ago. Changing my hair showed me that sometimes you have to let go of something you were once sure about to actually feel like yourself. Now, when I look back at pictures with my dreads, I don’t regret them. I like the fact that I cut them.

© Michael. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.