When I was younger, I used to be absolutely terrified of the night, scared of the bad things I thought were lurking in the dark. Things like monsters. But as seasons changed, so did I. The night became less eerie and more quiet; the stillness of it all became a comforting embrace, a refuge from all of the expectations and pressures of the day.

I would yearn for the night, waiting what felt like an eternity for the sun to set, just so I could say hello to the moon. The stars twinkle with an unwavering glow, as if to say, “we are here with you.” The moon knows I have a dark side too, but still it casts its gentle glow of guiding lights down on me, giving me a sense of hope. The fears I once had are simply gone, faded into the background, replaced by a sense of peace. The night is now my escape from the overwhelming day. It's a place without any worries but it's also a place where I can finally hear myself and just feel.

The more I change, the more I realize that there are much more monsters during the day instead of the night. They are small but powerful things, you know them as anger, sadness, and anxiety. They come and go however they like, and they tend to get inside your head telling you painful things about yourself. When I was 15, these monsters would cling onto my shoulder waiting to strike every chance they got. They would fill my mind with thoughts, thoughts that overflowed at every minute of the day. It got to the point where I just wanted to forget, so I built a cage to lock away these monsters. I was able to hold them for a while and I was so sure that I could contain them forever, but as the saying goes, “Nothing lasts forever.” The longer they were locked away, the stronger they grew. They grew bigger and bigger until they had far surpassed their cage. Breaking free from their restraints, the restraints that I had built became challenging. I tried everything to put them back in their cage, tirelessly building cages bigger and stronger every single time so everything could go back to normal, but no matter how big or how strong I built it, it would always crumble into dust.

No matter what I do, I can't contain it; it comes in waves. One after the other, engulfing everything it can get a grasp of or anything it could reach. It turned off the spark that was once inside me; the spark that used to shine so bright is now nothing but darkness. Now once again, I am afraid of the dark and the monsters that roam in it. It changed me, it turned me into one of them, a monster. A monster that was full of sadness, anger, and anxiety combining together to make a whole. But of course I didn't let anyone see what I was going through or that I was in pain because I chose not to, I chose to put up a mask. A mask that hides everything so well making me hope someone out there can see me, not the image I set for them. I hoped that they would look past everything  they see and instead listen to what I am screaming on the inside. I wanted nothing but for that spark to come back, so I couldn't feel all of this pain and suffering.

In sophomore year. I still had that mask on because I was scared that if I did tell anyone about the monster, they would instantly judge, and they would immediately assume that I was bad. So I stayed quiet because in my head no one would be able to judge or see what's happening if I just stayed invisible. Then I met them, my guiding lights. I was afraid that if I took off my mask and showed them what was truly under the surface and that if they saw the darkness and that monster, they would immediately see me as a bad person. But I didn't have to even talk or get rid of that mask, all I had to do was be in their presence and they could just sense it. It was strange because no one could ever tell, no one ever even knew, but they did. They heard my voice, the voice that wanted nothing but to be heard. They did not judge, but they helped show me that I was never a bad person, they helped me confront the monster makinging me realize that it took over because I just suppressed it and that instead of avoiding it I should just feel it finally releasing everything. The monster that was so huge and scary was now turned into something that couldn't fill my mind with thoughts that hurt, but instead thoughts that gave hope. These people became the light in my life, the stars that filled the darkness rekindling that once lost spark lighting up everything and guiding me towards something new but beautiful. They helped me realize that I couldn't do it alone. Together they made the moon, a moon that's filled with comfort and trust. With them, there is no such thing as judgment, they look past all the pain and they look past all of what lies on the surface and see what is beyond that. They taught me that like the moon, there are cycles and phases, some good some bad. If I ever needed them to help shine a path to help guid me out of the darkness, I didn't need to ask. I will forever be grateful to them. 

If they were to ever get trapped in darkness, I would be their guiding light to help lead them out of it. I would become the moon to tell them that “I am here with you.” If they need help to face their monsters, I will be there in front of them, ready to shield them from the hurt I've experienced. I will teach them that instead of trying to lock it away, try facing it and feeling it. It will be hard at first but they won't ever be facing it alone. They will from now on have me to protect and help guide them forever. No one will be facing anything alone as long as I am still breathing.

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