“How do I tell them?” spun the record in my head. The only thing that I knew, the one thing that seemed to control the steering wheel of my life, the one thing that made me, me. How do I tell them?

I sat alone, silence so loud my mind seemed to be the only thing alive. I knew I could do it, but the thought of letting my parents down haunted me. All I wanted was to make them proud, to prove that I was strong and could do it on my own. I ran through how I thought the conversation would go in my head. So many routes, so many outcomes. I had just finished my first year on varsity as a sophomore in high school; my parents were proud, and I was proud. Am I throwing it all away?

Volleyball had become more than just a sport; it had become my identity. Who am I without a sport? I am no one. The realization that I believed my identity was found only in athletics swept me away. I wanted to be more, and I knew that I could be. The only way to lose the grip that sports had on me was to step away.

The kitchen table felt like an interrogation room, my parents on one side and me on the other. Guilt flooded my body. My stomach dropped as “I want to quit volleyball” came off my lips. No response. The only reply was the pounding of my heartbeat. Despite the lack of a response, I recognized it was time for a change, and peace immediately overcame me. I couldn't wait to start my new future. I knew this was right. I couldn’t wait to see what was about to lie in front of me. Who am I going to become?

I wasn’t going to play volleyball my junior year of high school. I wanted to find purpose in myself by serving others. Before the start of the school year, I planned new activities to be involved in and found myself gravitating toward service-related opportunities that highlighted my empathetic and joyous side, a part of me that the false fulfillments of athletics had overshadowed.

I was specifically interested in activities that involved supporting and mentoring young girls, and was excited when I was offered a volunteer coaching position for the middle school volleyball team. Through the sport I loved, I got to teach twelve-year-old girls how to love themselves. I used volleyball to demonstrate finding authenticity within yourself, and I found joy in coaching girls who were navigating some of the hardest years of their lives. As the season ended, I realized there was more I could do to build relationships with them.

Shortly after the season ended, I became a Young Life leader. Young Life is a middle school and high school outreach program that helps kids meet Jesus. Through this, I was yet again able to walk with these girls as they experienced middle school. It felt like everything was slowly falling into place. New opportunities continued to open up, and I finally got to say yes to areas of life that showed me my true identity.

As junior year came to a close, I realized I had found my true self through service to others. Now, as my senior year starts, I am left wondering, What new things can I try? What areas of my community can I help? Although I may not have answers yet, I know one thing for certain: I will be returning to volleyball. This time it was different, I was different. I was ready to pursue volleyball while filling my free time with extracurriculars that allow me to connect with myself and my community.

In choosing my own path, redefining success, and balancing passion with purpose, I learned that the American Dream is not given, but chased and discovered.

© Maddie . All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.