In Junior year of high school, I had started a romantic relationship with this person. They were my first everything. By this point in time, I had never talked to anyone enough to figure out how to be able to talk to people normally or how to manage my emotions. This relationship was the worst thing to have happened to me. I was abused and manipulated day in and day out. I never realized what they were doing to me until after it was over. They kept me alone and away from my friends, so it was hard to discuss my issues with anyone but them. They brought me down to the point of hurting myself, but it was at that point where they were done with me. I had this fear of abandonment from an undiagnosed case of Borderline Personality Disorder, I didn't think I could leave. When I finally got out of it, they still had that hold on me. Whenever they came close, I had anxiety attacks. They threatened to hurt me, they said it was good that I was hurting myself. When someone asked my side of the story because they were spreading rumors, I felt actually safe and heard. It gave me the opportunity to actually talk about my feelings and past issues. I still am getting over my trauma but that let me realize what was happening to me so now it won't happen to me again. I know how to communicate to people about serious topics, I know how to convey what I'm feeling, I gained some self-respect for myself and I know how people should be treated. I hate that I had to go through that to learn but if I didn't then, I wouldn't be me.

Being in that relationship with them allowed me to be able to express myself more and explore more of my interests. I was actually able to figure out what were the things I liked and disliked. I remember the first thing I suggested doing with them is stargazing together. Having that growth is what led me to form my own opinions and thoughts. It gave me an idea for my future instead of just living only for the present.

I chose astronomy as my major because I found my love for the stars in one night when I was looking above. I just think it's so breathtaking, from down here they look so small but they're bigger than anything else I can imagine. It's such a confounding thought and it just makes me want to study it deeply. I learned of its intense focus on maths and figured it was the right one for me, seeing that math was my favorite subject in school. My last year in high school, I am taking extra math classes; statistics, probability, trigonometry, and precalculus. I thought I was so lucky when I realized that I have been living in Hawai‘i for almost my entire life and the main university of Hawai‘i has a campus a few hours away. I then learned that students at UH get benefits with the telescope at the Mauna Kea Observatory. I thought everything just lined up so perfectly for me; I had to just be an astronomer. Looking at the stars is one of my favorite things. I love learning new things about those celestial bodies, the little dots in the sky. I just wish I could know more, learning has always been a big passion of mine. If I can take this big interest of mine and turn it into my profession, it would make me so happy. I'm ready for math, science, and physics, because I know I have just been made to be an astronomer. I really do feel lucky, the ancient Hawaiians used to climb to the top of the mountains in Ka‘ū to navigate the seas. I'm in the perfect place.

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