Throughout my life, my mom has always called my grandparents in Mexico once or twice a week since we aren’t able to see them in person. I remember my mom passing the phone around to everyone in the house, and eventually it would be handed to me. This would always make my day since my grandpa would always say the same thing without a doubt, “Dónde está mi Juanita?” I remember him always smiling and being happy to catch up with us.

Not to brag, but I believe I was my grandpa's favorite since he would always ask for me. My grandpa and I had a really good relationship for as long as I can remember. When I was 5, I traveled to Mexico to visit my grandparents, but it was my grandpa I spent the most time with. This trip created a truly beautiful relationship between my grandpa and I, which progressively grew stronger throughout the years. In the middle of the Covid-19 pandemic, I found out that my grandpa had contracted Covid. It was difficult when I found out, but I continued to be positive. Unfortunately though things don't always work out the way we want them. My grandpa got extremely sick and passed away, which had a major impact on me. My grandpa’s death gave me a reality check on how precious time is and how we need to take advantage of what little time we have together.

After this tough loss and having the struggles of school, things were harder for me. Grief was something that I had never gone through before, and having school on top was extremely hard. I would try and focus in class but I simply couldn't. Eventually, as time passed everything got easier; however, I slowly started coping in very unhealthy ways. I began getting into drugs and alcohol. At the time I didn't realize how much this was affecting me, which now I know wasn't the right way to deal with a loss. My thought process at the time was that going to parties and doing drugs and drinking was fun and I had nothing to worry about. I truly believe this all had to happen though, to lead me to where I am now. This part of my life shaped me so much that one day when I was just so out of it I realized I didn’t want this for my life. Even if I was happy in the moment, I knew when I got home that I would feel guilty of what I had done. Now looking back at things, I am grateful that I stopped those bad habits and changed as it has led me to better things. I have dedicated my life to God which I know is not perfect yet, but I know throughout time I will become better, with the love and support of the people around me. Thankfully, I have also been able to bring other people around me to get closer to God so I know I’m not alone and that it’s going to be challenging.

In all, this entire experience was very hard, but it helped me grow into the person I am now, and not who I was a couple years ago. It taught me that I don't need to be influenced by any substances to cope in the same ways others might. The ways that I tried to cope with my grandfather’s death took away from the precious time I have left with everyone that I love the most. The ways I tried to distract myself only pushed me away from the people and places that shaped me into a better person. Thanks to my family and friends they continue to help me become a better person of whom my grandpa would be very proud.

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