The memories stay clear. Mi apa being held at gunpoint by the police, having him put his hands up, having him lay on the ground and knowing deep down, I won't be able to see him for a long time. From that moment on, life was hard for all of us. I had never expected to see him like that. That image is still in my mind, and the memories will never go away.

The day after was hard, almost as if nothing had happened. My routine of going to school, coming back home, doing my homework; everything was back to normal. Except for the fact that he wasn’t there anymore. There were no more greetings, nor having him comer con nosotros. No one knew what had happened that night except for me and my family. Before I realized it, months had gone by, and my birthday arrived. It was weird not having him there. After that, everything started to slowly change.

A couple of months before the arrest, my parents had separated. The relationship was complicated but it was for the better that they separated. Mi ama had barely introduced us to him. There weren't many interactions between me, my sisters, and him. We obviously didn’t get close within the few times of meeting him. But we had to accept the fact that mi ama had someone new, and that someone new would become her husband. It all just happened so fast. It wasn’t a big wedding, but still. Either way, I had to get used to seeing her with him, because we were going to all live together. 

For the first time, we had our own house. Our very own place after many years of living with others. It was only a matter of time before that was over. My stepdad had his family move in with us, and it was a difficult situation. It was unexpected, and honestly, it was uncomfortable. At that moment, I wished it was mi apa instead. We never got the chance to have our own place only to ourselves, with no one but us.

We all missed him and finally got the chance to see him. Seeing him in jail was not what I wanted. I felt sad and confused. The whole time I was speechless. I was young at that time, maybe 10, and I didn't really have much of an idea of what was going on. Why did he do that? That question stayed in my mind for a long time. He had said it was the alcohol. My dad always had trouble with drinking. That was the main reason for all of the times he had gotten arrested. He always promised us that he was gonna change and that things were going to be different. Promises were always made by him but never completed. Life didn't change for the better when my dad made that decision that night. It wasn't long before he did it again. 

I really thought things were going to change this time. I was mad and sad but I wasn't surprised. I was fooled again and it was just disappointing every time. He always had a way to ruin us. Alcohol has ruined our family.

Seeing him like that made me afraid of him. When he came back, I still saw that side of him. That side of him that I wanted to forget so badly, kept popping up in my head. Sometimes, I still go back to that moment and wonder if he wouldn't have done that, would things have been different? If he didn't have an addiction with alcohol, would we still be together? Change was hard for him but some part of me believed that he was willing to change for the better. I never thought that one night could change everything. But it did, everything had changed.

© Samantha. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.