In an overly distracted and busy world, we fail to realize the silent struggle of mental health deterioration. I live in this world, oblivious to the gravity of a drained mind. Growing up, I never learned about the importance of mental health. The lesson and counselor visit regarding the topic did not teach me anything about preventing mental illness or even how to deal with an emotional crisis. Because of this, a carefree and unconcerned younger version of myself dismissed mental health issues without much thought. Yet, as the difficulties and struggles of being a high school student began to pile up, a new realization of the importance of mental health hit me heavily.

Constantly anxious, the weight and stress of multiple problems began to tear through my mind. The majority of issues that affected my mental health stemmed from two main reasons: the lack of motivation to get up and complete any basic tasks, but the strain between my friends and me also created great apprehension in every aspect of my day-to-day life. An overwhelming and loud environment, my school was a place that made me feel insecure about the relationships between myself and those I cared about. Erratic, ever-shifting opinions about my friends and myself resulted in mood swings, self-isolation, and self-sabotage that brought out the worst version of myself. I consistently believed that my friends did not care about me or had no interest in socializing with me. Exhausted and drained from school, my irritable mood traveled to my home. I shut everyone out. I tried to see them as little as possible. As my mom did not understand mental health, this strained the relationship between us. Feeling distant from someone I had lived with all my life, I felt uncomfortable being around my mother.

I suddenly discovered myself in a spot where I felt helpless and isolated. Dreading going anywhere, I hid in my room all day until I was obligated to attend school or work. As days passed, I realized my friends did not notice or care enough to put in the effort to speak to me. Longing for a basic yet never-arriving “How are you?”, it took me a while to figure out that without initiating conversation, my friends wouldn’t bother spending time with me. Even my coworkers seemed to care more about me than my friends. Feeling more comfortable at my job rather than with those I grew up with opened my eyes to the value of surrounding myself with those who care. Something needed to happen: a shift in perspective or a method that would assist in managing my anxiety and insecurities.

I realized that I could not continue to dodge my emotions and inner thoughts; if I wanted to learn how to maintain a sense of mental peace, I would need to figure that out on my own. As I thought of ways to satisfy my wants and needs, I recognized that I should not hold on to those who do not worry for or care about me. Relying on anyone for happiness is a recipe for disaster and pain. For a state of peace and self-love, I spend time working on ways to improve my self-confidence and happiness.

As I continue to learn more about myself, I am trying to live day by day and not let anyone bring me down. It can be difficult and discouraging, but I know a better future is in store for me. Anyone going through a similar or shared experience as me should also understand that self-love is the most important love. If I can not love myself, how can I love others? I realized that my mental health should rely on myself because I am all that I have, not anyone else. Still, on this journey, I look forward to what the future holds for me.

© Kevin. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.