When I was about seven years old, I thought that transgender people had their brains surgically removed from their heads and then placed in a different person’s body that fit within their gender identity. Critiquing my younger self’s thinking process, several questions pop up, with the main being: “Where does the extra body come from?” Speaking as a transgender person myself now, I can confirm that kind of morbidity did not happen to myself. My upbringing involved being in a fairly religious town and a Filipino family that went to mass every Sunday, but I still diverged when it came to my philosophies and beliefs about how people can be. Though the idea did not cross my mind as much as it does now, I never once held any sort of resentment towards people wanting to be themselves, even if it went against my community’s fundamental beliefs. Despite my support towards others, I continue to feel an internalized hatred towards myself for wanting to be happy.

I watched a YouTube video titled “Transgender: A Transitioned Woman and a MAGA Mama” uploaded by The Enemies Project, and it was a conversational piece between the two women invited to speak their piece on gender transitioning. A single question in the video struck me to my absolute core, which asked: “Who would pick this?” Contextualizing, this is said by the transitioned woman, who responds to whether or not early intervention could prevent gender transition, to answering the gender question if it is an individual's choice to be transgender. To question whether someone would choose the suffering of being politicized and discriminated against is, in my opinion, to question whether someone would choose to be black or white. On my own, I’m absolutely proud to identify as who I want to be, but I am never oblivious to the cancerous nature of discrimination that comes with the label.

Regardless of the opinion of others who oppose the way I live, I want to be able to be myself and I want to be able to have the freedom of enjoying the happiness that comes with being myself. I don’t want my identity to be intruded on by the likes of others, but I want to respect their opinions because I often share the same conclusions they do. Comparing our opinions is like a mythical debate of ideas that can’t meet eye to eye; I’m in a perpetual battle of fighting internalized hate with my sense of justice for the community with which I identify most closely, all in hopes of achieving the end goal of loving myself, fully and unconditionally.

Finding the capacity, in accordance with all possible identities, to love yourself for who you are is an impossible task for so many people in the world. Finding the strength to do so is the hardest challenge; strength to go beyond what people expect is a freedom that I sometimes feel and experience and is a revelation I encourage for everyone who wants to be themselves. Belief in yourself is a strength that can be provided to those who don’t yet have it.

Finding the bravery to believe in yourself is a strength that can be found deep within. I want to reach people who unwillingly conform to the standards of society by pressures and fears, internal or external. Not everyone will have the ability to even break from conformity, but this points to a difference needing to be made in society itself. Stories tell tales of those who have grown up in prejudice and survived through empowerment, and by telling my own story, by upbringing and progressing journey, I aspire to create a world that allows the freedom for others to be themselves and for everyone to share in the happiness of being who they want to be.

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