I was only 13 years old when I was told that I needed to gain more weight. Gain more weight. Why did I need to gain more weight? I didn’t even know that a 13-year-old needed to gain more weight for my age. I kept getting told that I shouldn’t be as skinny as I was by doctors, but I kept hearing the same message over and over again. But gaining weight for me was and still is very difficult. My mom tried to reassure me by telling me that I just had a fast metabolism.

Having ADHD certainly didn’t help. I have to take medication to help me focus and to help me go to sleep, but it also makes me lose my appetite. My morning medication makes it difficult for me to know when I need to eat, so I often have to force myself to eat food, and when I do, I eat too much and feel sick. In school, it’s easier for me to eat because we have a time slot that is made specifically for eating lunch, but the weekends are challenging because the lack of a schedule makes it harder for me to remember to eat. It slips my mind all the time, especially when I am home or on vacation.

Getting told two completely different things put me in such a weird mindset about how I should look at my body. These mixed messages made me start to feel like I needed to stuff myself full until I got sick.

At 14 years old, I found a good medication that worked for me, and I established a healthy eating pattern. I still had to force myself to eat sometimes, but I made sure that what I ate was healthy. The comments, the compliments, everything made me feel uncomfortable, but I have learned to just brush them right off my shoulders and not let them bother me. At 15 years old, I started to get out of that unhealthy mindset. I kept telling myself that it was okay to be skinny and that my body was beautiful. I am 16 now, and I have learned to love my body. I have learned to look at my skinniness as a good thing and not a negative. I am now out of that unhealthy mindset of thinking that I need to stuff my body with so much food that I will become sick. The only time I look at a scale is when I need to weigh myself for a doctor’s visit or when I am talking to my psychiatrist. I have developed a healthy eating pattern. I now just let those comments about my body slide right off my shoulders. I have never been a a big fan of social media so I’ve always stayed away from using it. The only app I use is Youtube and I tend to keep my recommended page happy and stuff I am interested in. I still hide my body with big, baggy clothing, but that’s what makes me comfortable, and what makes me happy.

Being skinny is looked at in so many different ways. The negative comments about being skinny sound really degraded and beaten down. So many people will tell me that they love my body and I have such a cute body. Everyone who compliments me just smiles and says thank you. Being skinny for me is a blessing. I love my body, and I now know that it is okay for me to be skinny. ADHD, fast metabolism or not, my body is my body, and I love it.

© Kendall. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.