When do you think will be the last time you see your dad or perhaps it's already happened? For me, my dad was someone who was always sick or had some kind of health issue. My dad was a type2 diabetic and he had several health problems to the point where I got so used to going to the hospital that I didn't really think about why I was there. When I was young, I used to play with my dad, not truly understanding why my dad was always having health problems, and as a kid, I was never told everything, and even if I was, I probably wouldn't understand. As I got older, I could see it more and more. When I was 7 or 8, my mom and dad broke up. I went with my mom; however, I would still visit my dad, but at the time, we didn't see each other a lot.

Later, when my mom and I got settled, I would get to see my dad more, but then my dad moved, and I only saw him on the long weekends from school. This wouldn't change for a while, until my great grandma died, followed by my grandpa, both on my dad's side, and with this change, my dad moved again, but at this time, my dad wasn't able to even take care of himself. He was so sick that he was reliant on his mom, my grandma, to take care of him, so when she moved to a place 6 hours away, so did he, and at this point, I got to see him less and less.

I got a call, maybe a year later, when my grandma told me he died. I was 12 or 13 at the time, and I cried, but I felt wrong. I felt like I couldn't cry enough, and then I realized why it hurt. I couldn't cry because at the age of 12 or 13 I didn't know my dad enough, simply because he was so far away, and now he's dead, and I'll never see him again, since then I've cried several times, but I feel like it will never be enough, and it hurts even more, especially those times I can't cry, those times I can't love him enough. When I went to my dad's funeral, I was given a necklace with his name engraved and the years he lived. His ashes are inside of it, along with a fake eye, his eye, he used to always say he had an eye on you to my mom because she had one of his fake eyes on her key chain, and now I have one. I feel lucky I get to say he still has an eye on me.

I love you, Dad. I only wish that I could have an eye on you too. Please watch over me, and sorry if I piss you off sometimes. And dad kept smiling just like you always have, no matter how bad it was, you were always smiling, no matter how sick, no matter how weak you felt, you were always smiling, even when it all went downhill, your smile brightened it all just like your love did.

My dad's gone, but he will not be forgotten, and with his passing starts a new chapter of my story I may not be perfect, but one thing my dad taught me is no matter how bad it is, no matter how sick or how weak you feel, keep smiling, keep pushing, and most of all, keep caring, so ill smile, I’ll smile for him.

© Jayden. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.