Being an only child sounds like a dream come true, but for me, it means being held to high expectations, expectations that feel impossible for me to reach. I feel like I have to achieve them or else I feel like I am disappointing my parents. I was always scared to talk to them because I was scared to disappoint them if I said the wrong thing. However, I found out I changed their lives the second I was born so it would be hard for me to do that.

Through their stories, my dad and mom allowed me to see how much they had grown, especially because they had me when they were young. I remember sitting in the car with my mom when she told me, “You changed our lives”. My parents always told me that but I thought they wanted to make me feel better about myself. She explained that my dad lived a crazy life and was usually out on the streets, getting into trouble at school, and on occasion going to jail. My mom would get into fights, and trouble at school, and was even under house arrest at some point. One day, while I was still a baby she took me with her to go visit him. Something went through his head that made him realize that he didn't want to see me through a glass pane. Maybe that is why they have such high expectations of me.

I remember my mom got mad at me for the grades I earned in school. She told me that I wasn’t a C and F student and that she never wanted to see those grades again. I remember crying out of stress and feeling as though I was failing my mom. I remember explaining to her why I had a C and an F but she wouldn’t hear it. After she gets mad at me, I feel like she doesn't want to see me so I don’t leave my room until she comes to talk to me. I think back to the way things were when I was younger. I never had the feeling then that I was disappointing her.

I know my parents made mistakes when they were younger. They don’t want me to do the same but I’m still doing my best. I honestly just want her to understand that I love her but I feel stressed out. I get it though. I have seen where bad decisions can take a person. I remember the police came to my house one day while I was in class on Zoom. They were looking for someone who previously lived with us. They ordered us to get out of the house while my dad tried telling them that the guy didn't live with us anymore. The next thing I knew, my dad was in cuffs, sitting on the ground. I couldn't stop crying. I was scared and didn't know what was going on. My mom took me on a walk around the block to try to calm me down. It didn’t work.

I remember walking into my house and seeing everything on the floor. The police had trashed our home. Although I didn't want to clean, I still had to because it was a huge mess. I heard my mom crying. I was trying to help clean up but they told me to go to my grandma’s house. I stared at the wall while trying to fall asleep in my grandma’s room until my dad came back for me in the middle of the night. I was so happy to see him and I realized I didn't want to lose my parents because they’re my guides. I understand why they have such high expectations of me, even if it is difficult to live up to them.

© Alyssa. All rights reserved. If you are interested in quoting this story, contact the national team and we can put you in touch with the author’s teacher.